Archives for February 2016

Friday, February 26th, 2016

soulmates or peanut butter & jelly?

Soulmates – for some this may create visions of Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks in Sleepless in Seattle,  that person you are destined to meet, that fate will create the circumstances where you will see each other and so on…  Now, don’t get me wrong I am a sucker for a romantic comedy and I think Meg Ryan is great but we all do know that’s just a movie, right?

After reading up on this term ‘soulmates’, what seems to be a common thread is this concept of one person making you feel completely whole and having this eternal lifelong bond with them.   Probably like a ying yang thing.  Now, I know I probably sound like a cynic but if you’re meeting someone out of college or during college who you love enough to marry – would you know that they make you feel completely whole?  At the age of 22 do you really know what completely whole feels like?  Or, is it more what you think it feels like at that point in your life?  Here’s another thought, if everyone truly loves differently and every relationship is unique than wouldn’t what a soulmate is, mean something different for everyone?  Shouldn’t there be a definition or term for each type of relationship?

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So, as we wander through life with our significant others I will put it out there that yes,  we definitely know that the person we are with is perfect for us.  We wouldn’t want to be with anyone else.  I knew that when I met my husband 20 years ago and I know that now but I’m not sure I would have said my husband was my soulmate when I first met him. I’m not sure in the 20 years we have been together we have ever used the word.  Maybe that’s it – maybe the word has become too overused and very commercialized- I mean doesn’t every dating site use it?   Here’s a suggestion, why don’t you get your creative Supermom juices flowing and have some fun with your significant other in describing what would you call your relationship with each other.   Are you the ying to their yang?  Milk and Cookies?   Macaroni and Cheese? Choose something that just means you are meant to be together whatever that means to you and however that looks to just the two of you.  For me and my guy, it’s simply Peanut Butter & Jelly.

 

Thursday, February 18th, 2016

Alpha Moms – are they crazy or are you one of them?

Those moms, yes those moms – walking around school smiling, knowing every teacher and most of the kids by name.  At every soccer game with extra water for the kid who forgot.  Baking for teachers and volunteering in class each week.  They are on every PTA committee, teachers can rely on them for help, they do fundraising and even agree to host neighborhood porch parties.  Their kids are busy with music and sports and schedules.  Does any of this sound familiar?

I think I first noticed them 3 years ago.  Walking around with that air of having it all together – school, kids, marriage, home etc.  You start questioning yourself – Am I supposed to be doing more? Are my kids going to lose out because I can’t bake and be at every PTA meeting?  I often have a conference call during soccer practice!   And then the mean, judgemental, guilty mom kicks in and you tell yourself they are obviously bored stay at home moms with nothing to do and they need to be this type of crazy Alpha Mom so they can feel better about themselves.  Yes, definitely mean!lionpicture

Now, fast-forward to present day and my confession that yes, I have become an Alpha Mom or some form of it.  As soon as I left my full-time job and started my own business my type A personality needed more structure and something to do.  I dived into being the most involved mom – websites, agendas, processes and proposals was just the start and it continued. Everything had a schedule including my kids’ lives from 7am until bedtime and of course not only was I at every soccer game with extra water and at every school meeting but I also became the chair of the PTA and hosted the porch party.  It took a while but the realization hit – this was not good thing!  Being an involved, on-time, organized mom was great but not at the expense of it taking over every part of my being.  Remember moms – don’t forget about YOU!

So, the question is are you an Alpha Mom or not?  Labels can be dangerous and the term Alpha Mom is evolving and morphing as all of us,  stay at home moms and working moms strive for that balance of being the best. This includes being part of our kids’ lives, having meaningful moments with our families and remembering ourselves.  Yes, being involved and having everything running smoothly is great, but it should not consume us.  Realizing all of this is when your Supermom kicks in –  knowing what you can do and what you should step away from.  My opinion is we are all some degree of a “Crazy Alpha Mom” and you know what, that’s absolutely okay!

Sunday, February 14th, 2016

embracing diversity through kids’ books…

bookplantMy adventures in being a mom often has me questioning the inclusiveness of the environments that our kids are part of – this could be their circle of friends, school or sports.  More often than not we find ourselves in the least diverse neighborhoods (reasons for that would be another very long blog….).  We all want our kids to feel included but what does that actually mean?  In our home from a young age we talked to the kids about acknowledging and embracing differences whether it is their own or ones that havent yet touched their lives.  This had made some impact on them in different ways including my soon to be 11-year old who has started chosing books that reflect who she is and what her history is all about.

Books can be great in starting a dialogue with kids.  I know when you go to the bookstore or library kids will often select those books that they are reading in class, are currently a TV series or that all their friends are reading.  That’s great – anything to get them to enjoy reading!  But, here’s an idea, why not select for them a few books about the diverse world they are part of?  A world that with technology is becoming smaller.  As a start you may want to take a look at this list by Groundwood Books – Celebrating a Diverse World through Children’s Books and maybe encourage your school library to purchase a few of them.

If you have come across other great titles feel free to share them on this blog post with other readers.

 

Monday, February 8th, 2016

5 superpowers moms would like to have

Thinking about the name of my blog which focuses on all moms being superheroes everyday, I thought about asking some moms if they could have an actual superpower what would they want.  Here are the top 5.  Feel free to add what you would want your superpower to be.

1. Flying: it is amazing how many moms all want to fly.  This was the most popular super power – I guess we are all so tired of traffic and it taking so long to get from one place to the other.  Or, maybe its just the price of airline tickets!!Super Momma

2. Being in 2 places at the same time.  What I am hoping moms are thinking is that they could be having some down time at the same time they are getting through those to do lists we all have.

3. Endless energy.  Nothing more needs to be said about this one…

4. Being able to twitch our nose like in “Bewitched” and make anything happen.  When one of my friends mentioned this I had a laugh and then agreed that would really be great.

5. Super human strength.  That would be amazing!

What was interesting is that some superpowers were never mentioned like being invisible, x-ray vision, super hearing or sight.  The main powers moms were looking for was to help them manage their busy days.  I wonder if I had to ask some dads the same question what would they say. Definitely an idea for another blog – stay tuned!

Monday, February 8th, 2016

a letter to my son as he heads off to college

My Dear Boy

When I hear you talk about going to college and wanting to be an Engineer I am so happy and proud of you.  To think that you have set these goals for yourself without any pushing or persuading from me or your Dad.

You want to go to NYU and I think that is great, it is only 6 hours away.  You promise me that you will be home every weekend.  My heart is already breaking and my eyes fill with tears as I think of not having you at home every day.  Not having you to make breakfast for, to take to sports practice and to help with homework.  Not having you who cares about me when I have a cold and try to make me breakfast in bed.  Not having you to say good night to and to leave a kiss on your forehead.

Without you around the house will be empty and quiet.  I will miss your laughter, your stomping feet when you’re angry and your smile as you walk through the front door after school. I will miss your negotiation skills when you want something and most of all I will miss you still wanting to cuddle next to me.

The only consolation I have is that I will still have 11 more years of looking after you before you take those first steps to college.  After all you are only in First Grade.  Keep dreaming your big dreams my baby boy, I am here for you and I always will be.

Love always,

mom

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Monday, February 8th, 2016

making friends as a grown up is like peeling an onion

We’ve all given our kids advice at some point or another on making new friends.  Letting them know it’s okay to go up to someone and ask them if they can join in a game or just saying hello to kids when you move to a new school.  It seems easy enough for us to tell them what to do and most often than not, it works.  What happens when it’s about us making new friends in a new place.  This has happened to me twice – moving to Texas and moving to New York.  In both places I didn’t know anyone and being someone who likes being with other people I had to put myself out there.

As parents we do have an advantage – meeting people through school and parents of our kids’ friends.  There is that first feeling of being a bit out of place and memories of middle school may come back.  But, you have to say hello just like you told your kids.   The next step is moving from just saying hi on the soccer field or PTA meeting to really creating a friendship.  It’s almost like trying to find out who would you click with.  For me, I was lucky to have connected with great people and made some amazing friends.   It does take time to really get to know someone and so, as a grown up it may take a bit longer to really find those new friends.  It’s kind of like what one of my newer friends told me this morning at breakfast, “meeting someone new and getting to know them is like peeling an onion, you just have to do it one layer at a time”.

So, if you’re new to the neighborhood or starting a new job – step in and start peeling the onion.

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Monday, February 8th, 2016

it’s not always about improving yourself

Renee Trudeau is someone I truly admire for her insights on self-care and life.  She recently published a newsletter talking about what self-care is not and one of the key things that stood out for me is that self-care is not about constantly trying to improve yourself.  http://reneetrudeau.com/2015/02/self-care-not.html

We set these goals and expectations for ourselves whether it’s how to look better, eat better, be more physically fit etc. etc. etc.  While these are great activities to have in our life,  we also need to just be comfortable with who we are right now.  I am the first to admit that I am constantly feeling like I need to lose more weight, be a better mom, go to the gym more, make healthier meals and make sure I keep my family’s life in order.  It definitely is all about making things better all the time and it is exhausting.

As moms, as women, as people we should start taking time to just be.  Just accepting ourselves for who we are.  Not only will this bring us more inner peace but imagine the role-models we can be for young girls who are constantly trying to change themselves.

In the words of Renee, “you are not a self-improvement project….. it’s about meeting yourself where you are with a soft and open heart” – this is my new mantra.

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Monday, February 8th, 2016

4 reasons to meditate

We have all heard about meditation but is the hype about it really real? Can anyone meditate?  How do you start?  What do you actually do?  Meditation is really just about taking time to be still and to breathe and to listen to yourself and each part of your body.  It does not have to take long – even 10 -15 minutes a day.  It can be part of your daily prayers or reflection time. There are many sites out there that are free and talk you though a meditation or just do something simple of your own.  Here are some reasons to start from an article by The Huffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/19/meditation-benefits_n_5842870.html

1. Meditation will reduce stress as it allows you to take more control of yourself.

2. It increases your self-awareness and acceptance of the world around you leading to more happiness.

3. As you become more connected to yourself, mediation pushes you more in  the direction of a healthier lifestyle.  You think more about what you put into your body and what you do with it.

4. As you focus on your real source of energy, you will find your concentration heightened.

So, if you haven’t started then why not give it a try.

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Monday, February 8th, 2016

a letter to your younger self

Have you ever considered writing a letter to your younger self.  Now that you are older and wiser (yes, I am sure you are wiser) what would you say?  It may sound obscure but it actually allows you to release so much emotions, issues etc. you may have gone through.  We often reflect on our past and childhood, especially when we look at old photos.  I felt this way recently as I found myself looking through my high school yearbook.  Now that brought back a lot of memories – friends, awkwardness, trying to save the world and of course dating.  There is so much I would say to this younger Rubiena and so, I wrote a letter to her.  At first it felt almost uncomfortable but then it just became easier and afterwards I felt great.

BeFunky_happy-little-girl_GJh9YLv_.jpgSo, if you don’t know how to start, think about a very specific time, age or event.  Don’t keep it too broad.  Be honest, direct and write in the present tense.

Give it a go I know you won’t regret it.

Take Care,
Rubiena

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Monday, February 8th, 2016

technology gone crazy….

I have always considered myself tech savvy but have realized this can get so out of control. In my always going to online for everything I have managed to set up different blog pages, websites and social media sites. In my effort to make 2017 all about focusing on what I want do and doing it well, the realization of needing to streamline all of this hit me.  So, this will be the only blog I am posting to.  I know it will mean me losing some followers on the different sites I have but for my own sanity I am admitting I have a tech problem!!!  So, stay tuned on Supermom Adventures from here on for all the tips, fun stories, interviews with moms and just random thoughts of the day!

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