Monday, February 8th, 2016

making friends as a grown up is like peeling an onion

We’ve all given our kids advice at some point or another on making new friends.  Letting them know it’s okay to go up to someone and ask them if they can join in a game or just saying hello to kids when you move to a new school.  It seems easy enough for us to tell them what to do and most often than not, it works.  What happens when it’s about us making new friends in a new place.  This has happened to me twice – moving to Texas and moving to New York.  In both places I didn’t know anyone and being someone who likes being with other people I had to put myself out there.

As parents we do have an advantage – meeting people through school and parents of our kids’ friends.  There is that first feeling of being a bit out of place and memories of middle school may come back.  But, you have to say hello just like you told your kids.   The next step is moving from just saying hi on the soccer field or PTA meeting to really creating a friendship.  It’s almost like trying to find out who would you click with.  For me, I was lucky to have connected with great people and made some amazing friends.   It does take time to really get to know someone and so, as a grown up it may take a bit longer to really find those new friends.  It’s kind of like what one of my newer friends told me this morning at breakfast, “meeting someone new and getting to know them is like peeling an onion, you just have to do it one layer at a time”.

So, if you’re new to the neighborhood or starting a new job – step in and start peeling the onion.

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Monday, February 8th, 2016

it’s not always about improving yourself

Renee Trudeau is someone I truly admire for her insights on self-care and life.  She recently published a newsletter talking about what self-care is not and one of the key things that stood out for me is that self-care is not about constantly trying to improve yourself.  http://reneetrudeau.com/2015/02/self-care-not.html

We set these goals and expectations for ourselves whether it’s how to look better, eat better, be more physically fit etc. etc. etc.  While these are great activities to have in our life,  we also need to just be comfortable with who we are right now.  I am the first to admit that I am constantly feeling like I need to lose more weight, be a better mom, go to the gym more, make healthier meals and make sure I keep my family’s life in order.  It definitely is all about making things better all the time and it is exhausting.

As moms, as women, as people we should start taking time to just be.  Just accepting ourselves for who we are.  Not only will this bring us more inner peace but imagine the role-models we can be for young girls who are constantly trying to change themselves.

In the words of Renee, “you are not a self-improvement project….. it’s about meeting yourself where you are with a soft and open heart” – this is my new mantra.

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Monday, February 8th, 2016

4 reasons to meditate

We have all heard about meditation but is the hype about it really real? Can anyone meditate?  How do you start?  What do you actually do?  Meditation is really just about taking time to be still and to breathe and to listen to yourself and each part of your body.  It does not have to take long – even 10 -15 minutes a day.  It can be part of your daily prayers or reflection time. There are many sites out there that are free and talk you though a meditation or just do something simple of your own.  Here are some reasons to start from an article by The Huffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/19/meditation-benefits_n_5842870.html

1. Meditation will reduce stress as it allows you to take more control of yourself.

2. It increases your self-awareness and acceptance of the world around you leading to more happiness.

3. As you become more connected to yourself, mediation pushes you more in  the direction of a healthier lifestyle.  You think more about what you put into your body and what you do with it.

4. As you focus on your real source of energy, you will find your concentration heightened.

So, if you haven’t started then why not give it a try.

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Monday, February 8th, 2016

a letter to your younger self

Have you ever considered writing a letter to your younger self.  Now that you are older and wiser (yes, I am sure you are wiser) what would you say?  It may sound obscure but it actually allows you to release so much emotions, issues etc. you may have gone through.  We often reflect on our past and childhood, especially when we look at old photos.  I felt this way recently as I found myself looking through my high school yearbook.  Now that brought back a lot of memories – friends, awkwardness, trying to save the world and of course dating.  There is so much I would say to this younger Rubiena and so, I wrote a letter to her.  At first it felt almost uncomfortable but then it just became easier and afterwards I felt great.

BeFunky_happy-little-girl_GJh9YLv_.jpgSo, if you don’t know how to start, think about a very specific time, age or event.  Don’t keep it too broad.  Be honest, direct and write in the present tense.

Give it a go I know you won’t regret it.

Take Care,
Rubiena

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Monday, February 8th, 2016

technology gone crazy….

I have always considered myself tech savvy but have realized this can get so out of control. In my always going to online for everything I have managed to set up different blog pages, websites and social media sites. In my effort to make 2017 all about focusing on what I want do and doing it well, the realization of needing to streamline all of this hit me.  So, this will be the only blog I am posting to.  I know it will mean me losing some followers on the different sites I have but for my own sanity I am admitting I have a tech problem!!!  So, stay tuned on Supermom Adventures from here on for all the tips, fun stories, interviews with moms and just random thoughts of the day!

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Monday, February 8th, 2016

balance in saying “lets go” and starting a new adventure

My family and I took a huge leap 4 years ago and moved from South Africa to the U.S. and it was the best decision we ever made.  Has the thought crossed your mind?  Finding a job in another country, continuing your education etc.  A friend of mine made the decision as well and moved to the Netherlands.  Here is her story of adventure.

Lee-Ann’s hubby woke up one morning before his 39th birthday and said, “I want to go and do a full time MBA (in the Netherlands)”.  The adventurous Lee-Ann smiled and said “Let’s go!”

And so their new life began and yes they did have challenges especially with a 4 year old daughter and new born son in tow.  Her daughter had to go to an all Dutch school and she had never spoken Dutch before.  As a mom, Lee-Ann worried about her but as most kids do she adapted and in 6 months was fluent in Dutch.  This amazing mom has been able to work from home and has taken to the local culture of cycling everywhere.  Yes, she picks up the kids on her bike and then does the normal home stuff we all do – dinner etc.

While it sounds all fantastic, Lee-Ann does point out that moving to a new country with little ones is not for sissies.  She was also used to the comforts of life in South Africa, having someone to help with the cooking, cleaning and childcare.   You have to rely on others and to ask for help.  I have to agree with Lee-Ann on this, my survival in Texas was mainly due to the amazing friends and support system I found.  Let’s also not forget missing the beautiful South African weather!  Finding balance is very much about asking for help when you need it.

Lee-Ann and her family have flourished and she has met amazing people in what she calls the “mellow city of Amsterdam”.  Parents around her take time to find balance and even CEO’s take a “Papa dag” – a day off to spend time being a dad.

The advice Lee-Ann would give another mom thinking of taking the leap “Just do it! I have been in and out of airports with two small children.  And look, I am no superwoman.  Kids are incredibly adaptable and the life-skills you give them through travel are invaluable.  This adventure has opened many new doors for us and I am so grateful!”

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Monday, February 8th, 2016

are you living life to the fullest

Post from a year ago – I recently lost my older brother very unexpectedly and the hurt and sadness was so deep and so painful.  He was an amazing person, a great dad, husband and uncle to my kids.  What happened at his funeral and in the days that followed was so uplifting.  His wife and I received so many emails, Facebook messages, texts, calls etc. from people who not only were shocked by the news but also shared with us how he has touched their lives.   Each person had a story to share.

His funeral was a mix of being extremely sad and then laughing as each person remembered him as someone who lived life to the fullest.  He did so many things, helped so many people and traveled to so many places that many of us would only dream of.

I haven’t posted a blog this entire week because I have been trying to get some meaning coming out of the grief.  My life has been forever affected and there will be a broken part that I don’t think will ever heal.  My brother always gave me the most sound advice and I have finally realized the message he wants me to hear is the importance of living life to the fullest.  He has left a legacy of being a good guy but also someone who lived each day to the fullest.  I know I don’t do that and I am sure so many of us don’t either.  We get caught up in the daily grind and cycle of kids, chores, work etc. and we forget to laugh, to cherish the simple moments of happiness.  Each of us owe it to ourselves to not allow a sad moment or loss to make us realize we need to be living in the moment.  Just for this week, try it and I am sure you will feel lighter and full of love.

Rest in peace my beloved brother Nadir,  I will love you forever.  At least I know my baby boy Mohammed now has someone to make him laugh in heaven.

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Monday, September 8th, 2014

what gets you out of bed in the morning

I know we all have to physically get up in the morning, whether it is getting ready for work or getting the kids out the door for school.  This is why we get up but what is your actual drive.  When you open your eyes in the morning do you look forward to the day ahead and maybe there is that special something that drives you to want to start the day.

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It becomes so easy for us to get stuck in our routines every day and I am not saying that they are not great routines.  Maybe with the change of seasons – Fall in some places and Spring starting in other parts of the world, this could be an ideal time to really reflect on our drive, happiness levels and what would make us have that bounce in our step again.

 

Is it loving the work you do or knowing you are making a real difference in your kids’ life.  Could it be the thought of the walk you are going to take in the fresh morning sunlight or maybe meeting some great friends for lunch.

 

So, here’s my challenge to your.  Take 10 minutes this week and just think about it.  Do you know what gets you out of bed in the morning?  It’s not too late to find out.

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Saturday, September 6th, 2014

around the world and back again

That’s how I feel – this year has been full of so many changes that I do think I started off in one place, looped all over but have finally settled.  And, it is a great feeling to know where you want to be physically and emotionally.  We have recently moved to a wonderful little village outside Rochester, called Pittsford.  It has been a nightmare of a move and more stressful than our move 3 years ago from South Africa to Austin.

After going back and forth with so many ideas and passions of what I want to do I asked myself a few questions:

  • what makes me really happy
  • what do I not want to be doing
  • how do I want to be spending my days
  • what are my priorities
  • what are my strengths

So, it ends up that I do love writing and family is still number one for me.  I also know I have a natural ability to organize everything and actually enjoy doing it BUT this doesn’t mean that self-care isn’t important.  My blog will continue and so will my Personal Renewal Groups but I am also doing workshops for moms on being more organized.  All in all its a little bit of everything and a lot of happiness on my end!!  The sky is definitely looking clearer :-).

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Wednesday, March 26th, 2014

back again with new adventures

I have been on a hiatus from my blog for the past 3 weeks with so much happening.  Ignoring my blog was not my intention but as you know life happens and we need to just stop and focus on what we can do for that moment.

There are great things ahead for me this year and I will make sure to share them with you as my journey continues.  The near horizon has moving in sight as well as some exciting consulting opportunities and a business venture.   I guess I should have known that being a stay at home mom and not doing anything else wouldn’t last long!!

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